We had parent-teacher conferences today, which was an
interesting experience...First of all, each parent (or set of parents) was
allotted ten minutes. Considering how when we were homeschooling my husband and
I could discuss one DAY, in which we were both present, for over an hour after
bedtime, and not feel like we'd covered everything, ten minutes isn't much to
find out what's happened at school in the last three months!! And the reality
was that we did get more than ten minutes, and other parents before us obviously
had as well, since despite the famous German punctuality, we were called quite a
bit later than our appointments.
Results of the meeting with Marie's teacher, Frau F.:
Marie is one of the best students in the class, but does not brag (!! At home
she does!!), and is well-accepted and gets along with pretty much everybody. All
of her teachers (she has a total of seven, but I've only met two of them) are
very happy with her socially and academically, and her class teacher (who is
also the school principal/headmistress) said to us "You were obviously doing a
good job with her at home, and the decision to put her in third grade
was...well, that's at LEAST where she should be..." Ah.
Anyway, we then handed her our application for exemption
from compulsory school attendance laws from March to September next year, while
we are in the U.S. with YWAM. As of August 1st of this year, the school director
(no longer the Schulamt (local education authorities) ) may excuse a student
from class for up to a year. Frau F. was quite disappointed--she enjoys having
Marie in the class and thinks it's a pity that she's leaving, but if we have the
appropriate paperwork, she will of course grant the exemption, she said.
Later in the afternoon I met with Jacob's teacher, Frau
S. (my husband wasn't able to go to that meeting, unfortunately), another
interesting experience. Jacob's never been a "calm" person (he's very much my
son...), but over the last half year or so before school started he had calmed
down considerably, and instead of several temper tantrums a day was only having
them every few weeks. Since school started, they've increased in frequency and
intensity, especially since the middle of October, after the two-week autumn
break. He'd been hitting and kicking some at school at the beginning of the
school year, but he'd told me that he wasn't doing that anymore, and I believed
him. For the most part he says he likes school, especially recess, and although
he occasionally says something about being bored, that's not often.
So Frau S. started off by telling me that Jacob is one
of the best students in the class academically and that he especially likes it
when they get to choose what to do and he always chooses to do extra worksheets
when extra ones are available. And...she's been very pleased to see a great
improvement in his social skills, that he's no longer hitting or kicking at all
and reacting well to potentially explosive situations. She said that since he
wasn't in preschool, he of course had to learn social skills, but now he's fine.
(!! So, just assuming that not having been in preschool causes poor social
skills, three months of school is sufficient to make up for any deficiency? But
I have to send them to school for 10 years (that's the law here) so that they
can learn social skills? Or Jacob's just a genius and learned in three months
what other children need ten years for?)
So I told Frau S. about Jacob's behavior at home and
presented my hypothesis that he's putting so much effort into controlling
himself at school that he just HAS to explode at home, having no strenth left to
do anything else. She didn't think much of my hypothesis. And then when I said
that I miss my sweet boy, she said, "Well, at least he's behaving at school and
enjoying it--that's the important thing." I'm very proud of myself that I did
NOT explode at that, nor burst into tears. I just sat silent until she said
something else. I also told her that we're leaving in March, and she just said,
"Well, if school IS stressful for Jacob, I suppose that could lessen the stress
some, but could have a negative impact on his social skills." In other words,
"social skills" are only valid and important at school, not at home. As long as
Jacob treats his classmates and teacher fine, it doesn't matter how he treats
his parents and siblings. Get used to real life.
So there we are.
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